Fences
by Levana Fay
Summary: Warning! Contains reference to character death. A Jibbs songfic that I thought up while I was listening to a Paramore song of the same name.


Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

A.N.: I wrote this in an hour after I finished work so it may have mistakes and it may not flow in places due to the fact that I was really tired. You have been warned. This is the only fic I'm doing that deals with Jenny's death. I reserve the right to do a miraculous healing that will get rid of her illness and save her, lol. The song is 'Fences' by Paramore. This song just got stuck in my head one day and when I went through the lyrics I realised that it was perfect for a Jenny songfic, so here we go.

_I'm sitting in a room made up of only big white walls and in the hall there are_

_People looking through the window in the door they know exactly what we're here for_

_Don't look up just let them think there's no place else you'd rather be_

_You're always on display for everyone to watch and learn from don't you know by now_

_You can't turn back. Cause this road is all you'll ever have._

Jenny surreptitiously looked around the ballroom, seeing her security milling around trying to look inconspicuous while still letting people know that they were there and ready to defend her at a moment's notice. The senator that had been talking to her had moved off once he had seen that she wasn't going to just drop on her back for him, so she had some time to kill before another made a pass at her. She was so tired, she loved her job but she didn't want to flirt with anyone and everyone at every function just to solidify her position with the other agencies and the press. She sighed and allowed her smile to drop a little. She wanted to be able to bring a man with her to these things, not just Ducky whenever he could get the day away from his mother. She wanted to bring HIM, but she knew that she was being silly hoping for it. She had chosen the road she was on when she had left him in Paris and now she was paying for it, now she knew that it was all she would ever have. The inevitable rejection would be too much for her heart to take anyway. She was getting too old to hope that prince charming would sweep her off of her feet, take her away from all of the slimy politicians and give her the family that she dreamed of. The fantasy wasn't enough anymore, especially not now that she knew… but she kept it locked up in her heart anyway, to take out and live in her dreams. Now that she saw him every day, she could keep the face of her prince fresh in her mind. That thought brought the smile back to her face and she kept it firmly in place as another senator came over to speak to her, then hit on her because she didn't bring an escort to the function. She gritted her teeth and just did as she was trained to do; be polite, smile and laugh. She had to make sure she got the funding that NCIS so desperately needed and then she could take a long hot shower at the end of the night to wash off the filth that seemed to collect on her from these men touching her.

_It's obvious that you're dying, dying_

_Just living proof that the camera's lying_

_And oh oh open wide this is your night so smile_

'_Cause you'll go out in style, you'll go out in style_

She knew that Jethro was staring at her, she could feel his eyes on her body but he always looked away before saying anything. She knew he could see the things that the make-up couldn't hide, the dark circles from lack of sleep, the paling tone of her skin, the slightly unfocused glaze of her eyes at the times when her illness took over. He could see it all, but the report on the news from last night's ball said he was seeing things because she had glowed. The low cut backless green dress had fit her just right and her big smile had lit up her face. She had been a vision to behold and everyone had wanted to bask in her presence all night. Jethro could see through it though, and she wasn't ready for that conversation yet. Maybe she never would be.

_If you let me I could. I'll show you how to build your fences, set restrictions_

_Separate from the world. A constant battle that you hate to fight_

_Just blame the limelight._

_Don't look up just let them think there's no place else you'd rather be._

_And now you can't turn back. 'Cause this road is all you'll ever have._

Jenny watched him in the bullpen with Hollis, the army colonel that had stolen his heart, as they laughed at the junior agents around them. Inside, Jenny she felt her heart constrict painfully and she gradually became light headed, with an overwhelming urge to cry, but outside she only showed the icy exterior of the Director that would do anything to get a job done. It wasn't so simple though, she had to fight with herself over every decision she made, not knowing which side of her was right, the Agent or the Director. The Agent in her resented her position and everything that she did to maintain it, she believed that she should talk more with her agents about their thoughts on her missions, especially Jethro, who would no doubt be happy to brainstorm until the best way was found for everyone. The Director in her wanted to throw the Agent in a small dark corner until she learned her place in the chain of command, she couldn't go to her agents like that, they would lose all respect for her and they wouldn't follow her leadership anymore and Jethro would just rub it in her face that she had to go to him to get help with things that she should be able to manage on her own. Wouldn't he? It didn't matter now though, it couldn't, so she watched from the catwalk as Hollis wrapped herself around the man of her dreams and she wished him the happiness that she was missing.

_It's obvious that you're dying, dying_

_Just living proof that the camera's lying_

_And oh oh open wide this is your night so smile_

'_Cause you'll go out in style._

She smiled at the camera as the interviewer droned on and then laughed in the correct places. She had been to so many interviews now that she could go through them with her eyes closed. The make-up artist had had to redo her makeup five times until she had been happy that she looked radiant and healthy enough to get caught on camera. She had asked her about how she was and Jenny had told her that she was just having late nights. The woman hadn't looked convinced though and she began to wonder if it was more than just Jethro that could see she was very ill. She had just shrugged it off though; there was nothing she could do about it so she may as well just enjoy what time she had left.

_Yeah yeah you're askin' for it_

_With every breath that you breathe in_

_Just breathe it in..._

_Yeah yeah well you're just a mess_

_You do all this big talkin'_

_So now let's see you walk_

_I said let's see you walk it!_

_Yeah yeah well you're just a mess_

_You do all this big talkin'_

_So now let's see you walk_

_I said let's see you walk it!_

_It's obvious that you're dying, dying_

_Just living proof that the camera's lying_

_And oh oh open wide_

_Yeah oh oh open wide..._

_Oh oh open wide_

_This is your night._

_So smile_

'_Cause you'll go out in style!_

Jenny smiled as she paused in the doorway of the diner, just looking around her at the sun scorched ground and the rundown buildings in the desert. It was time to put her gun where her mouth is and prove that she could take care of her own business. How many times had it been said that she was a good Agent? Well now was her chance to prove it. This was her fight, her responsibility and she was going to make sure that she won, and if she didn't survive, she would know that she had given everything she could to protect him. She had nothing to live for and very little time left so she was going to try and make things right. Her smile widened as she disappeared through the door to wait for her future. The last thing she would be able to give to Jethro on her own terms was her life.


End file.
